A note from Jez: May 28th 2025

on certainty, toxic traits, and healthy boundaries.

May 28, 2025

Welcome to this week’s note from me with, as always: 3 notes, 1 quote, 1 question, 1 thought, and some content for the curious.

I am certain.

You are most likely certain, too. Of some things, at least. Maybe of most things.

And we remain certain - until something rocks that certainty, or exposes a chink in the armour.

Suddenly, we’re not so certain of the very things we were absolutely certain of.

Which begs the question: should we ever really be certain?

I’ve come to realise and appreciate the freedom and growth that comes with a lack of certainty. This week I’ll make the announcement that I’m stepping away from my career of 22 years, and my future looks especially uncertain. Which also means it’s full of new potential.

3 words that can change everything - and I encourage you to apply even if only internally for the private voice inside your head:

Are you sure?

1 Question.

If you chose to replace comparison with inspiration - a simple framing shift - how would it enhance your self-esteem?

My most toxic trait.

I overheard a conversation this week between two people where said to the other: “My most toxic trait is starting to get ready only when I send the “just leaving” text.”

It got me thinking about hidden toxic traits. The things we do to ourselves that we aren’t wholly conscious of.

One of the most toxic things we can do is say “it doesn’t matter”. Why? Because almost always it does, even at a low level. Dismissing deep truth leads to a disconnection from your authentic self. We become experts at covering things up and in turn get further away from who we really are.
But one of the most valuable things we can do is acknowledge when something isn’t wholly right or resolved, and work towards exploring what it is that doesn’t sit right, and what can be done to resolve it. The result is a deeper knowing of ourselves.

Subscribers to The Journey will have noticed 2 new articles, 10 new videos, and a new 3-part course on Healthy Boundaries have just been added. If you’re not yet a paid subscriber, please do consider. Access everything for less than the cost of a coffee:

1 Quote.

"All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

Blaise Pascal

Should we compromise?

I’ve written before about the importance of having - and knowing - personal values.

Hand in hand with our values go boundaries: where do we draw the line? What triggers us or makes us feel uncomfortable when our boundaries are compromised?

Without clarity of our boundaries, it’s almost impossible to protect ourselves, or others, from them being compromised.

For a long time I was a “yes” person: I didn’t want to let people down, and wanted people to like me, so I said yes to everything. Many of those things I shouldn’t have agreed to. I willingly allowed myself to compromise my boundaries.

This month’s Infused + Unfiltered: The Journey Live is this coming Thursday 29th May 2025 at 7PM UK time (2PM EST) and I’ll be talking about boundaries: what they are, why they matter, how to set them, and what to do when they’re challenged.

The live is part of a new 3-part short course I’ve created in The Journey: The Art of Saying No: Mastering the Power of Boundaries - all included for subscribers in the low monthly subscription but if you’re a free subscriber, you’ll be able to watch this week’s live here.

1 Thought.

The world we know is created by our own mind. But actions and insight go hand in hand. We may have deep aspirations toward the future, but how are we living in this moment to support the future we would like to create?

Content for the curious.

Lubor Fiedler was a chemical engineer and amateur magician. He is acknowledged as one of the greatest creators of optical illusions, puzzles, and visual oddities. For over 10 years I collected his creations - and many other puzzles - and while I no longer have any of them, having recently sold almost everything I own, I remember fondly his remarkable thinking.
Often reality doesn’t match up to our expectations. These cake decorating fails provide a visual reminder of that. 10 out of 10 for effort and expectation, but I know I’ll see the hedgehog in my night terrors.