A note from Jez on: coincidence, slowing down, + self-doubt.

Welcome to this week’s note from me with 3 thoughts, 1 quote, 1 question, 1 idea, and some content for the curious.

There’s change afoot, and I’m excited to share it with you.

As The Journey grows, and you kindly share feedback on what would be most useful to you, it’s going on its own journey of sorts and helping show me how to best use this platform in a way that’s most beneficial to you.

More on that soon, but there’s a lot of exciting things to come. Until next time,

Listening to coincidence.

I’ve never been to Cornwall, the idyllic coastal county on the West coast of England but in the last 3 weeks it has come up in conversation, print, television, and online, entirely unprovoked, no less than 16 times. And it continues to do so. Searching through old episodes of Grand Designs for something to watch with my flu virus this week, I stumbled across two episodes filmed in Cornwall, technically making it now 18 occurrences.

As a result, I’ve booked a 10 day trip to Cornwall in September.

Sigmund Freud believed “unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”

I’ve seen that in myself previously, and see it frequently in others. However, it’s not only emotions, it is also so with our dreams, hopes, and passed-over opportunities. It’s why earlier this year I committed to saying “yes” to more, and engineering less to see what opportunities might present naturally.

The psychologist Carl Jung had a theory on coincidences. It is called, somewhat unoriginally, ‘Carl Jung's Theory of Synchronicity’. He defined synchronicity as “meaningful coincidences that cannot be explained by cause and effect.” He believed these events were not just random occurrences, but rather manifestations of a deeper order in the universe.

Quite why the universe wants me to go to Cornwall so badly, I don’t know. Perhaps I’ll find out (you’ll be the first to know). If you experience a coincidence - do something with it because there is a theory that there’s no such thing as a coincidence…

1 Question.

What would slowing down mean to you? What would it look like? What would it result in?

Slowing down.

Does anyone else yearn for simplicity? I’m not sure anyone goes out of their way to create a more complicated life, surely?

I’ve had iPads and electronic diaries and numerous other gadgets but I still much prefer a pencil and a paper pad. I do love a really well designed app but only when it is easy to use, simple, and works. I bank with Monzo and their app is all of those things. There’s a beauty in simplicity. Less to go wrong, less time wasted, it often costs less, and there’s less to think about. Simplicity is freeing.

Only, we’re a species expert at over-complicating things.

I’ve always been a tea drinker but for years envied coffee drinkers because of all the sexy equipment they get. With tea it’s just a pot. Maybe a strainer at a push. Coffee aficionados get gadgets aplenty: steamers, wands, whisks, twisty things, wooden things to pound and mush, little bins with reinforced edges, bangy things, grinders, and some of the most beautiful machines. My friend has a $12,000 coffee machine in his kitchen and every time I see it I’m conflicted with awe and the need to speak to him about core unmet needs.

As I’ve redesigned my life over the last year to be intentionally simpler and slower, I feel as a result much calmer, more content, less stressed, and so much more grateful for the simple things in life. I have one cup of coffee in the morning and use ground coffee (saved myself buying and owning a grinder), and a simple French press. For tea, there is something meditative about the process of measuring out the leaves, pouring the boiling water on, and waiting for them to steep. While I wait, I’m gifted an opportunity to pause.

I could buy a fancy coffee machine, or I could make coffee with a simple cafetière. I ultimately get the same thing. I could buy an expensive teapot (a quick Google found this for a mere £600), or I could enjoy the handmade one I have with all its imperfections and simplicity, that still makes tea. For many years this wasn’t my approach because I bought things for the association of the thing, so I collected (expensive) watches. I sold the last of those this year as part of a process of shedding and cleansing the arbitrary from my life to get closer to the best version of myself and explore what having less really meant. My £20 watch in its simplicity does exactly the same as the £5,000 one I sold. I still know the time. Remarkably, I receive more comments and compliments on my Mickey Mouse watch than I ever did of my Cartier.

Living a more simple life begins with removing things we don’t need: objects we bought to make us happy in place of finding true happiness within, connections that trigger past trauma, people who bring drama, and clothes we don’t wear. With less material things in our life, we quite literally get closer to who we really are without distraction and association, but in turn it helps us to slow down, too. Less stuff means less mental clutter, and by removing the pressure of constant consumption, a more focused and intentional existence.

1 Quote.

"Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.”

Carl Jung

Self-doubt.

If you experience self-doubt, either as an occasional passing feeling or as chronic self-sabotage, I hope this will be useful.

I can sympathise; a previously narcissistic relationship left me riddled with self-doubt that took a long time for me to work through. It’s not a quick fix, but rather a gradual change in habit; showing our brain “not this way, but this way”.

Mistakes are important to grow, so allow yourself to make them. It’s much easier to be compassionate to yourself when you’re not judgemental.

Carve your own path. Find you, and be you. Only then will it be easier to stop comparing yourself to others.

Review your past achievements. I used to keep testimonials in an email folder and on January 1st of each year I’d go through them all from the year before, to remind me that I can and do, do a good job.

In 22 years I think there are perhaps 5 days of work that I am proud of, where I believe I did my absolute best and I couldn’t improve anything. That’s realistically ridiculous, but I am my worst critic and until very recently I wasn’t especially proud of much I did. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, but a line nonetheless. Find it and walk it: be proud of what got you here.

Begin each day with gratitude and end each day with it, too. What are you grateful for when you wake up? At the end of each day, ask: “what was the best part of the day?”.

Finally, add more supportive people to your network who you regularly seek opinion from, socialise with, and talk to. I call it social weeding. Just like weeding in the garden, it’s important we do the same with people in our lives from time to time, too.

1 Thought.

Precious stones need polishing, otherwise what a waste of a stone.

Content for the curious.

• On the subject of coffee, some of the nicest coffee I’ve had was from Caravan; an independent roasters who deserve the success they now have.

• Tea ceremonies are an ancient Japanese tradition that go far beyond preparing tea for guests. They have become something of an (unintentional) art form, and a reminder to pause, escape, and appreciate the many things we take for granted. This video shows, in less than 2 minutes, how much more there can be to the humble act of making a cup of tea.

• Is there anything more slow and more beautiful because of it? Watch this